Cathonline

The death of a family member or someone close to us is a very painful loss. The loss for which most of us are least prepared. It happens to everyone. It is part of life and cannot be prevented. Although it is part of life, the loss of a loved one is life’s most stressful event and can cause a major emotional crisis. If it is a sudden death, some people are in shock. When you are shock you don’t register any feelings. You aren’t able to cry much, or any. Denial is often present in the early stages of a loss. You need to allow yourself time to grieve because it is an important aspect in your healing.
We may experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected…denial, pain, disbelief, confusion, shock, sadness, anger, despair and guilt to name a few. These emotions are healthy, normal and appropriate and will help us to express ourselves and our pain. We have to undergo process just before we accept our loss. You must give yourself time to grieve for as long as necessary. Each person grieves in his own way and in his own time. Some people need more time to grieve. Reactions to loss vary from person to person. Reactions depend on your personality, your beliefs, the existence of previous losses, and the social support you receive.
Here are some phases that we undergo during the death of loved ones:
Denial phase
On this stage, you still cannot believe and you still cannot accept it. Your head is yelling that it is not true and it can never be true. This is the hardest phase that we have to undergo. There are times that you will cry uncontrollably while walking and seeing something that reminds you of the departed loved ones or waking in the middle of the night…crying and hoping that everything is just a dream. There are times when we even try to call his/her name, wishing that the door would open and he/she comes in like he/she used to do. It takes time, a very long time just before we can recover from this phase. This may be a battle that is better fought with the help of someone else. We could have a friend by our side to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
Anxiety
Physical symptoms such as disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, restlessness and fatigue are common during the first few months of loss. The fear of losing another loved one is common after a death and may result in excessive worry for the safety and health of others closest to you.
Guilt phase

Regret and Guilt this time. You may regret that you didn’t do as much as you could do for the person or the guilt that it wasn’t you who died. You may feel guilty for things you said in anger or regrets for things that you could have said but you didn’t. You probably did the best you could do at the time. At this time, the problem is you know that you can no longer do and undo those things.

It is most important to accept the fact that there are events we just can’t control. Guilt and regrets are part of life just the same as the birth and death. You should forgive yourself…you should accept that there are things that we cannot do anymore no matter how many tears we shed…you should accept and forgive yourself. Forgiveness is a process. It may take quite a while but you need to help yourself in order for you to heal.
Acceptance phase
Acceptance means that you have reached the final stage. Although the pain is still there… this time you already accepted that death is a part of life and you can no longer do anything about it. You must accept death and loss. The death is an inevitable part of life. It is something we cannot do anything to stop.You will always love that person, but you must realize that you are alive. You must go on with your life
How to overcome grief?
You should find new activities, form new relationships, and become more active and independent. Don’t keep your feelings to yourself. You should talk about your loss with friends and family. You may talk to the people who experience loss of their loved ones too… listen on how they cope to it. Listen to what they will say…even if you don’t want to follow…learn from their words; take courage from it step by step. You must talk about the loss until you accept it. The more you talk, the more you will realize that the loss is real, the easier you will accept it. When someone offers you help, accept it… You should seek the support of people who are sympathetic and supportive. You may need some time alone just after a loss, but as time passes, loneliness may become a larger problem. You must help yourself to recover. You have to learn to live and to function without that person in your everyday life.
You must keep going. You should learn to understand your thoughts, feelings and the grieving process. Give yourself time. You know that no matter how painful it is, how lost you feel, soon it will get better. Life is a big battlefield… and you have to be strong to survive.