Cathonline

Arguments and misunderstanding are  part of any relationship. There is no way of avoiding them. It is impossible to see eye to eye on every topic and discussion, and a difference of opinion can lead to a debate, and possibly… an argument. It is normal. Because couples think differently. This is a healthy part of relationships, allowing couples to express their feelings and opinions. After a healthy argument or debate both people may feel better that they have said what was on their mind and they have reached a compromise or negotiation.

The problem begins when an argument escalates into a full blown fight. Usually it happen when one or both become upset.  We become upset for many reasons during an argument. Perhaps our feelings were hurt by something that was said, perhaps we feel we are not being heard, or possibly we feel our feelings are not being validated. Once this happens we feel we need to hurt the other person in turn, or get revenge for the way they made us feel. We sometimes become hysterical and emotional and we may then resort to name calling and bringing up past issues that are either irrelevant or outdated.

Eventually we get over these fights and the hurt feelings they caused, but are usually left with the aftermath of bitterness and a lack of trust. Often times this leads to problems with emotional intimacy and openness to each other. You or your partner may feel that sharing your feelings with each other will only give them a weapon to use against you. You hide behind a wall of anger and pain so as not to admit your true feelings of hurt, despair, or disappointment. You may eventually lose your sense of connection and closeness with your partner.

Avoiding this downward spiral of hurt and anguish sounds easy, but applying it may be difficult. It can be a constant battle to keep arguments on the right track. You may find yourselves taking steps backward, but as long as you continue to strive for improvement for yourself and your relationship, you will see results. Don’t expect your partner to improve, at least not overnight. Allow space and time. The only person you can control is yourself. However you may find that by taking small steps towards improvement will inspire your partner to do the same.

Here are a few tips I have picked up on how to avoid fights;

When you are asked what’s wrong, don’t say “nothing!” or pretend that you hear nothing. Answer the question  honestly. If you aren’t in the mood to talk or really aren’t sure why you’re upset at the time, you can just tell your partner you don’t want to talk just yet, but that you will tell them when you are ready.

Remember your partner isn’t a mind reader and you have to open up.

Never bring up old issues during a current argument. If you are still hurt about a past issue, find a calm time to discuss those feelings. But not during a fight with different issues.

It is also important to remember that sometimes people are just going to be mad and hurt just like you. You may have discussed the issue and forgiven your parter but still feel angry or hurt over it. You may just need more time to feel better, and that’s just normal. Understand that occasionally your partner may feel that way as well.

Last but not least, there are times you may just have to agree to disagree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Respect your partner’s opinion, the way you wanted your opinion to be respected