Cathonline » Relationship

Helping children to deal with divorce

Cathy — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 02:40:58 +0000

What happens when a married couple no longer understand each other…or should I say no longer love each other enough to make their marriage work? Of course, the answer would be DIVORCE. In a situation wherein a married couple no longer wants to give in, try a little harder or forgive and forget…divorce is the only way out.
Easier said than done. Why? Because of the kids who will be affected, the kids who will suffer more, the kids who have to carry the burden that they already belong into the so called broken family.

What should we do to make them understand? What should we do make accepting easier for them?
Here are the few tips that we can do to make things a little better for them.
1. Make them understand that they did not lose their parents.
-the first thing that makes it harder for the kids to accept is the thought that they will lose their parents. Parents should talk to their kids and tell them that they need to go on separate lives, but will remain and will always remain their parents. Assure them that you will both be around during the special times in their lives.
-make them feel that you are both there for them. Schedule yourselves in spending times with them.

2. Couple should fix things between them… and better end up as friends.
- Children don’t want to see their parents fighting. So if they see that their parents are better off as friends, then things will be easier to understand. Let your children see the positive side of divorce in your relationship…like being more open, gain self respect, healed bitterness and freedom.

3. Make them feel at home at both sides.
- of course one should have the custody of the kids. Avoid brainwashing the kids by telling them how bad your ex-husband/wife is. This won’t help but will only make them feel insecure and unlucky. Instead, give them the idea that living is healthier and peaceful to all of you this way. Give them time to spend and enjoy with your ex-husband/wife.

4. Prepare them.
-Surely not all people will understand your situation. It is possible that they will be teased by their peers or classmates. Let them understand that you cannot please everybody and that you cannot live with the expectations of other people…that you they may not be like the others but assure them that they are loved.

There is no easy way of making kids to accept the divorce of their parents… but with proper approach…acceptance will not be far from reach.

Marriage and woman

Cathy — Sun, 31 May 2009 12:18:26 +0000

In marriage, it is important that we know the importance, needs, and role of each other. In this topic, we will talk about woman.
Women have a great capacity for love – in giving and receiving it. To explain it more, when a woman prepares a meal, her love mingles with the food. When a mother rises for the two o’clock feeding, she does it with love. When she frosts a birthday cake, love shines through her eyes.
A woman’s capacity to love can draw the very best from a man… it can make him feel wanted, needed, important, and great. The way she patiently wait for him to arrive from a whole day work symbolizes her love. When his nerves and spirit are shattered and exhausted, her loves can comfort him. When discouragement crushes his will and his hopes and dreams have crumbled, she can help him build new ones.
Many men are nearly totally unaware of a woman’s need for romantic love. For men, romance might be an added benefit, but certainly not a requirement. But not with a woman! A relationship without romance would drive her wild with frustration. She needs to be cherished, loved, respected, appreciated and be treated special. It is unjustifiable for a man to ignore his wife’s need for romantic love as it is for her to deny him his sexual urges.

Are you really prepared?

Cathy — Sat, 30 May 2009 12:28:09 +0000

I am sure that those couples who will be getting married… prepares a lot for the very special day. Invitations are all sent, foods and cake already have their designs and motifs, wedding gown and tuxedo fits perfectly, choir are practicing their songs while souvenirs are all in the tray. Everything is just well prepared.
Wait a minute lovers, I just want to ask… didn’t you forget something? Did you prepare yourself? Of course I know., you are already through with your facial session, spa and hot oil. What I am asking is yourself morally and spiritually.
Are you matured enough to face all the responsibilities that goes after wedding. Do you love your partner enough to stand with him through thick and thin…whatever life may bring? Are you really willing to give up your freedom and shut your eyes from 2,300,000 lovely ladies and gorgeous gentlemen and instead be faithful to your partner? Are you willing to set aside your figure and be ready to bear a child in your womb? Are you willing to give up 60%, worst 100% of your salary you always spend for “good time”, and spend it for the food, education and welfare of your family-to-be?

If your answer is YES, Congratulations! You can invite me on your 50th anniversary. More likely your marriage will succeed.
If NO, its less expensive to cancel the wedding than to get annulment.

WE need LOVE

Cathy — Fri, 29 May 2009 12:43:02 +0000

From the crib to the grave we all reach out for someone to love us, someone to accept us,

and for someone we can love and accept. We want to feel that we belong and we matter to the people who are dear to us. The truth is… love is necessary for survival.

Without it we lose the will to live. We don’t know why we are here. We feel helpless, worthless and lost. Some commit suicide for the lack of love, some even undergo divorce and annulment in order to begin their search for love again. While others slipped beyond the line of sanity for lack of affection. When we love, we glow with a radiance that affects us physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually. Almost in all aspects, we are affected. The world suddenly glow with color and our existence become worthy.

Fact is, we all crave for love, and sometimes it seems that we can never get enough. Love is, in fact, the simplest yet powerful force contributing to our total well-being. However, we must also realize that in love, it is unlikely

that wc will ever be love as completely and as exactly as we might wish to be.

A Perfect Marriage

Cathy — Thu, 28 May 2009 12:38:40 +0000

Is there such word as perfect marriage? I think there is none…as there is no such thing as perfect relationship. No matter what kind of relationship you have. Surely, there will always be fights, misunderstanding and differences. But with love for each other, respect and faith in God, married couples can work out with their differences and make a successful marriage.
Many couples fall in love, marry, start their own family and assume that everything else will work out automatically. Little that they know, that a successful marriage does not come spontaneously or by chance.
Plato used a ladder to illustrate growth of relationship by married couples. The two sides of t he ladder represent the man and the woman. Every steps of the ladder represent the things that keep them together.
Couples get married for different reasons. Some because of love while others for convenience. Some because they want to start their own family while others just to escape from a bad home situation. Some because they are ready to commit themselves while others just to give a baby a name. The reason why we get married will have a great impact on the way we will see our married life and the way we will live our life.
In cases like couples no longer solve their problems on their own, couples should not feel reluctant to seek counsel from their families, the people they trust or even professional counselors. But they should be aware that there is no instant cure for a troubled marriage. Even the best counselor can only offer support and compassion. The will of every couple to solve their problems and work out their differences would be the one to settle things and problems between them.

The beginning

Cathy — Wed, 27 May 2009 12:34:14 +0000

It all started when a man and a woman promise to cherish one another, in the eyes of their friends and families, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, as God as their witness…till death do them apart.
Very much prepared from their invitations, dress, make up, bouquet, arrangement of flowers, church, reception, souvenirs, pictures or video coverage…even the honeymoon hotel.
After the wedding ceremony, the guest will go home with their souvenirs. The wedded couple will go on with their honeymoon.
Finish.
But it is not as simple as that. Their lives begin after the ceremony ends.
The question is, are they prepared for the life ahead? Can they keep their promise to be faithful to each other? Will they stand strong together no matter what life may bring?
Often than not, married couples doesn’t know what life is after wedding ceremony.
Is marriage enough to keep them together?

A marriage for better or worse

Cathy — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 08:03:26 +0000

Marriage is something that is not strange to us. You fall in love… you get married. You want to have your own famiy… then get married. You get pregnant, you get married. As simple as that.

But the truth is, marriage is never as simple as most people thought it is. Being married is not simply saying yes and performing the usual “kiss the bride” tradition. Being married is committing yourself to someone FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Easier said than done. Because marriage takes a lot of sacrifices and giving up. You have to give up your freedom, your singleness, your life alone, even your surname and share it with your other half. You have to think not only for yourself but also for your family. You have to close your eyes for others and limit yourself to one.

Marriage is not a bed full of roses. It has its thorns and pains. The longer you live together, the more you realize both the good and the bad side of your partner. There may comes a time that you or your other half would might want to get out of it. Happiness in marriage doesn’t come from waving a magic wand… it doesn’t come from dreaming couples have to work for it…side by side. Because no marriage would succeed with only one fighting for it.

” I assure you, I will stand by your side…right or wrong
in happiness and in pain, no matter what happens
until such time I know that I have to let you go
not because I am tired of loving you
but because in my heart I know
that you are no longer mine”
-Cath-

How to avoid a big fight between couples

Cathy — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:46:08 +0000

Arguments and misunderstanding are part of any relationship. There is no way of avoiding them. It is impossible to see eye to eye on every topic and discussion, and a difference of opinion can lead to a debate, and possibly… an argument. It is normal. Because couples think differently. This is a healthy part of relationships, allowing couples to express their feelings and opinions. After a healthy argument or debate both people may feel better that they have said what was on their mind and they have reached a compromise or negotiation.

The problem begins when an argument escalates into a full blown fight. Usually it happen when one or both become upset. We become upset for many reasons during an argument. Perhaps our feelings were hurt by something that was said, perhaps we feel we are not being heard, or possibly we feel our feelings are not being validated. Once this happens we feel we need to hurt the other person in turn, or get revenge for the way they made us feel. We sometimes become hysterical and emotional and we may then resort to name calling and bringing up past issues that are either irrelevant or outdated.

Eventually we get over these fights and the hurt feelings they caused, but are usually left with the aftermath of bitterness and a lack of trust. Often times this leads to problems with emotional intimacy and openness to each other. You or your partner may feel that sharing your feelings with each other will only give them a weapon to use against you. You hide behind a wall of anger and pain so as not to admit your true feelings of hurt, despair, or disappointment. You may eventually lose your sense of connection and closeness with your partner.

Avoiding this downward spiral of hurt and anguish sounds easy, but applying it may be difficult. It can be a constant battle to keep arguments on the right track. You may find yourselves taking steps backward, but as long as you continue to strive for improvement for yourself and your relationship, you will see results. Don’t expect your partner to improve, at least not overnight. Allow space and time. The only person you can control is yourself. However you may find that by taking small steps towards improvement will inspire your partner to do the same.

Here are a few tips I have picked up on how to avoid fights;

When you are asked what’s wrong, don’t say “nothing!” or pretend that you hear nothing. Answer the question honestly. If you aren’t in the mood to talk or really aren’t sure why you’re upset at the time, you can just tell your partner you don’t want to talk just yet, but that you will tell them when you are ready.

Remember your partner isn’t a mind reader and you have to open up.

Never bring up old issues during a current argument. If you are still hurt about a past issue, find a calm time to discuss those feelings. But not during a fight with different issues.

It is also important to remember that sometimes people are just going to be mad and hurt just like you. You may have discussed the issue and forgiven your parter but still feel angry or hurt over it. You may just need more time to feel better, and that’s just normal. Understand that occasionally your partner may feel that way as well.

Last but not least, there are times you may just have to agree to disagree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Respect your partner’s opinion, the way you wanted your opinion to be respected